Johnnycakes He Just Wanted To Belong
by Marissaboo
Summary: Johnny Cade feels left out and he doesn't feel like he belongs anywhere. What will it take to make him realize he is needed and appreciated by the gang.
1. Chapter 1

Johnny's POV: I walked home from the lot feeling very alone. Why does it seem like everyone has something better than I do. Actually, what do I have? A bickering mom and dad who abuse and don't care about me and that is it. I wish I had it more like Ponyboy. He doesn't have any parents but he does have his two brothers Sodapop and Darry to look after him. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. It seems like I am too small and frail to do anything good for the gang, if you would even call it a gang. I am good at fighting and everything when needed but I don't know, it just feels like they would be better off without me. I saw Dally a little up ahead trying to pick up some chicks. He isn't exactly good at doing that on account of all of his encounters with the police. Everyone takes him as a bad guy. He is really cool once you get to know him. He just wants everyone to think he is tough so he goes around trying to break laws and gets into all sorts of trouble.

"Hey Dal," I called as I saw the girls walk off.

"Hey Johnny, how's it going man?" Dally replied.

"It's going good I guess," I lied as we started walking to the Curtis house. "You get those girls phone numbers?" I don't actually know why I asked this because I saw what happened between him and them but I guess I wanted to start a conversation. Usually our walks don't really require talking much.

"No," Dally said with a slight smirk on his face.

Our started conversation was quickly ended when we saw Pony being followed by some jerk socs in their mustang. Dally, as usual, went to go help Ponyboy out. I followed not knowing how I would be able to assist. Man, Dallas is a good fighter. Nobody messes with one of his friends and he makes sure of that. I stared at him with admiration on my face as I went to go see if Pony was all right.

Dally's POV: I think Johnny really looks up to me. I saw the look in his eyes when I was beating up those socs. Pony, Johnny, and I were on our way to the Curtis house.

"Thanks for helping me out with those socs Dal," Pony said breaking the silence between us.

"It was no trouble at all. I was in the mood for a good fight anyway." I could see by the look on Johnny's face he was upset that he didn't do

anything heroic to help Pony. He has it rough around his house with his mom abusing him and everything. I guess he wants to help and feel needed.

"Yeah Dally you really are amazing at fighting," Johnny said quietly.

I didn't want to make him feel any worse so I just said "Johnny it really was nothing. You're good at assisting during fights too." He had that sad puppy dog look in his eyes as we arrived at the house.

TO BE CONTINUED……..


	2. Chapter 2

Pony's POV: We walked in and saw Two-Bit on the couch sleeping, most likely drunk. Soda and Steve were at work at the DX and Darry was at work roofing houses. We quietly went into the kitchen and grabbed some cake. It was Soda's extra sugary chocolate cake so I didn't eat a lot of it. Johnny seems really miserable lately. I can't figure out why.

Curiously, I asked, "Hey Johnnycake, is something bothering you?"

He looked at me for a quick second with his big brown eyes and looked down at the floor.

"Why do you assume something is bothering me?" he asked hastily.

"You just aren't acting like yourself that's all. It seems like you are kind of down in the dumps. When we walked here, you hardly said anything and you had this look on your face," I said cautiously so I wouldn't set him off.

Dally was listening to the conversation from a distance and when we looked at him he nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah Johnny just tell us what is wrong and we can try to help you with it. Does it have to do with the socs or something? If it does I will be more than happy to go smash their heads in for you," offered Dally.

"You're our friend and we don't like seeing you in distress," I said hoping to help.

"Will you guys get off of my case! You would be miserable too if you had such a horrible life! I can't take it anymore!" Johnny yelled back defensively.

This little outburst woke Two-Bit right up and he was now staring at us with a blank look. Johnny looked down, his ears getting redder by the second. I could tell he was embarrassed by the way he just acted. Dally and I just stared at him stunned. This positively was not the Johnny we knew. "I'm sorry," he finally said and jogged to the door, opened it, and as soon as he hit the porch he started at a run. We didn't bother going after him. He needed time to cool off.

Two-Bit's POV: Wow I never thought I would actually live to see the day that Johnny Cade lashed out at people like that. Especially to Dallas and Ponyboy. "What was that all about?" I asked a little confused.

"I don't know. We wanted to know if anything was wrong and he just freaked out," Dally said.

"There has to be something wrong with him," Pony replied.

A little while later, Soda and Steve walked in to all of our worried faces.

"Hey Soda. Hey Steve," Dally said as they went into the kitchen.

"Hey Dal," Steve replied. "What's going on," Soda asked.

"Nothing much. Something is wrong with Johnny though," I said.

"What do you mean? Where is Johnny anyway," Steve asked.

"We don't know. He screamed at us and then he ran out. Hasn't been back since then," Pony told them.

"We should probably go look for him. We don't want him to go out and run into socs or anything." Soda said.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny's POV: I can't believe I acted like that. They were just caring about me and I wouldn't let them. I was walking down the street toward the lot. It was getting dark. At that moment, I saw a mustang driving down the road. I froze and didn't make any moves. My stomach was in knots. I knew I wouldn't be able to protect myself without any weapons. I cautiously turned my head a bit to see how many socs were in the car. There were about 3 or 4. The car stopped and they got out.

"Hey greaser," one said.

"What are you doing walking alone without your friends to protect you," another commented. 

I was scared but I tried not to show it. I just kept my eyes on all of them and didn't make any moves so I didn't startle them. One of them took out a blade. The soc held it up to my neck as if to scare me out of my mind. Let me tell you…it worked. I started to panic and struggled a little. I was popped on the side of the head by someone's fist, which made me lose my footing. I fell on the ground to my knees. Quickly trying to get up I was kicked back down. I sat there on my knees praying that someone would come and help. Again, the blade was put to my neck.

"Calm down greaser we aren't going to kill you yet," one soc said as the others laughed harshly.

I couldn't talk or call out. Something was holding me back. I don't know what I would say anyway to convince them not to kill me. I was in a frenzy of panic as I sat there on the sidewalk. The reality hit me that nobody was coming to help and I had to do this on my own. I slowly stood up when the socs brought me up to my feet. I had to come up with a plan. Without even thinking, I kicked out with my feet and caught the one with the blade in the stomach. It knocked the wind out of him. He bent over gasping for breath. I guess this wasn't the best idea because the other 2 socs tackled me to the ground. I couldn't fight it any longer. They had me down and out. I slowly began to lose consciousness. At that moment, I wanted to die. I was being beaten senseless. I heard people shouting but I wasn't sure who it was. The socs seemed pre-occupied with something else because I wasn't getting hit. They were on top of my chest though so I couldn't breath. I struggled but it didn't help. I got one last good pop to my head and I completely blacked out.

Sodapop's POV: (What happens while Johnny is knocked out) The whole gang came to try to find Johnny. It was a good thing too because when we found him he was being beaten to death by socs. Two-Bit grabbed out his switchblade as we approached. We were yelling at them from a distance, which seemed to distract them from Johnny. The socs hopped up on their feet and were ready for the fight. We had a higher number though. Dallas grabbed a broken pop bottle and walked toward the socs.

"You looking for a fight?" one of the socs asked nastily.

"As a matter fact of we are," said Dally as he thrust the pop bottle forward.

It was on now. Steve, Pony, and I were on the ground wrestling two of the socs while Two-Bit and Dally were holding off the other soc that had the knife. All I could really hear was the cussing from all of us and the pounding of the ground. I got a couple good blows to my head as did Pony and Steve. The soc with the blade lunged out and Dally got him really good in the face with the pop bottle. I was beating the crap out of this soc that had a ring on his finger but he was giving it right back to me just as hard. The soc that Dally and Two-Bit were on was crawling on the ground toward the car. It looked like he got it pretty bad. He got into the car figuring out that there wasn't anyway that he could go on fighting, having to deal with two people plus a broken bottle and another blade. He honked the horn to the mustang about a hundred times before the other socs had the same sense to get into the car. We weren't really hurt so when the socs drove off our main priority was Johnny.

Dally's POV: I leaned over Johnny with an evident look of concern on my face. Man was he beaten badly. He was unconscious and I knew we needed to get him help. He had a cut on his neck, which was bleeding profusely. He had bruises all over his face but they weren't really noticeable under all of the blood. His breathing was very shallow and hardly noticable. I wiped my face so the rest of the gang wouldn't see me tearing up. I looked up a everyone. I don't know exactly where Two-Bit went but Soda, Steve, and Pony all had distraught looks on their faces.

"He's knocked unconscious," I said getting up.

"We need to help him," said Pony looking more concerned by the minute.

"Those damn socs," I yelled slamming my fist into a nearby building wall in frustration.

We didn't know what other damage the socs had caused so we couldn't figure out what to do. We decided the best thing would be for us to bring him to the Curtis house and if there was any really bad damage we would bring him to the hospital. When Two-Bit was gone he was actually off getting his car. When he returned with it, Soda and Steve helped get Johnny in. We were in a mad rush for the house but got stopped along the way when we saw Darry. We didn't really have any time to explain so we quickly went through what happened.

"Wow. I can't believe Johnny did that," Darry said in awe. "You guys go and get him to our house now."

As soon as Darry said that, we were off in a hurry. We finally made it after what seemed like forever.'Johnny has to be alright' I thought to myself as we carefully brought him inside. We set him down on the couch and started trying to bring him around, not knowing when or if he would ever awake. It sure was scary to think that we might have to go the rest of our lives without him. He still wasn't coming around and I was in a panic, but I didn't show it. I wasn't sure what everybody else was thinking but all I could think was 'Wake up Johnny. Please don't leave us now.'


	4. Chapter 4

Johnny's POV: 'Oh my god, my head' I thought as I was trying to figure out where I was. I could hear voices but didn't have the ability to open my eyes. I tried to struggle around but found out that I couldn't move either. What was wrong with me? The last thing I remembered was, actually what was the last thing I remembered? I thought really hard and started to panic a bit.

"What are we going to do now," I heard Sodapop's voice. " We have been trying to bring him around for at least an hour already."

"He is still knocked out cold and doesn't seem to be even the slightest bit responsive," I heard another voice which had to be Darry.

I felt someone touch my wrist, probably to check for a heartbeat. Was I dead? Is this what it felt like?

"There is still a weak heartbeat but nothing major. I say we should probably get him to a hospital," A voice said, though I couldn't quite determine who it belonged to. Maybe Soda or Darry again.

So, I was alive still but why couldn't I move? I again tried to struggle around or make a noise but it seemed like my whole body was in a state of shock. I was wondering why it was getting harder and harder to breathe with each passing minute. I desperately tried to gasp for air.

"Come on Two-Bit, help me lift him into the car. Be very careful," Darry said as I felt myself being picked up.

'This isn't normal' I thought to myself as I was being carried to the car. I was in a state of panic because I hate not being able to do anything. I might as well have been dead because when your brain is working and you aren't able to move or function…let me tell you it is the scariest thing in the world. Not being able to move had to be the worst for me. I am not sure how long I was in the car, but there was complete silence around me. I desperately wanted to know who was in there with me because it made me feel weird not knowing. Finally, someone spoke up.

" I can't believe this happened," this happened to be Dally's voice. He sounded like he was in distress.

There wasn't a response from anyone for a second but then Pony's voice chimed in.

"I know. We can't go on without Johnny, Dal," Pony's voice was trembling.

I must look horrible and the fact that I won't wake up or move probably isn't helping matters. I tried as hard as I could to at least open my eyes or make a slight sound with my throat. It didn't work. We were slowing down which meant that we were most likely nearing the hospital.

"Come on Dally, hurry up," Pony sounded annoyed.

"I know Pony, I am moving as fast as I can. We will be there in a minute," Dally replied also sounding annoyed.

I could feel my heartbeat getting slower and my breathing shallower. I was dying and they didn't know it yet, but I did. Panicking, I tried to move around, not getting anywhere. 'Come on guys hurry' was all I could think as we slowed to a stop. I heard car doors open and slam shut. Dally and Pony had gotten out and gone…somewhere. 'Damn, come on guys where are you' I thought as I again tried to move my fingers or do something. I was so frustrated at that point, I felt like I wanted to die or explode. I desperately wanted to shout something out but I couldn't. I did manage to make a sound with my throat, but it sounded like a gurgling. It was better than nothing. The car door opened suddenly and I heard a couple of voices. One was a doctor and the other two were Dally and Pony.

" He looks to be in pretty bad shape," the doctor said as if nothing was really out of the ordinary.

"No shit," Dally said in a stern almost yelling voice and there was definitely some frustration and anger in it.

There was a pause and then the doctor asked inquiringly, " What happened to him."

'Well, that would be a great question for Pony and Dally to answer. How stupid can they be' I thought to myself as I heard Dallas start explaining. Then I realized I was being a bit unfair to them. They were the ones that were here helping me through this after all.

I heard Dally finish up, " When we found him he was getting pounded on really good by 3 socs. He was tackled to the ground and punched and kicked in the head before he became unconscious." Dally choked.

"Can we get a stretcher over here stat," the doctor beckoned.

Almost immediately after his call, I again, for at least the third time that night, was picked up and put onto the stretcher. The thing that was going through my mind at that moment was 'God I am glad I don't weigh a lot otherwise these poor people would be breaking their backs for me and no one would be able to get me around'. The next second, I was thinking about how stupid I was. I was dying and I was worrying about other people? I guess that is the kind of person that I am but right now, I was pissed at myself for thinking of that. I was being rolled through the hospital…I think. Damn, I hate not being able to see! It definitely smelled like I was in the hospital. I hate the smell. I can't really describe it, it just smells like sickness and cleaning solution. It made me want to throw up and I wished I would so they could see I was responsive.

"You boys have to stay in here," a nurse said.

"No, we aren't leaving Johnnycake," Dally said sternly.

"Come on Dal, we will just wait in the waiting room or something," Pony said meekly.

Dally replied with a simple yet harsh "Fine, but if anything happens to him, they're dead."

So, Dally did care about me. Actually, I don't know what ever gave me the impression that he didn't care. He just never said it to me before. I was being rolled down the hall again and stopped after about a minute. I was picked up…again! Man was I getting angry! After that, it wasn't fun. I could feel myself being hooked up to a ton of machines and it was scaring the hell out of me. I was poked with needles and I couldn't even let out the yelp that I so desperately yearned to let out. There were many people talking and rushing around me. Soon, I could hear all of these beeping sounds.

"His heart rate is extremely low," a doctor said.

Then someone started calling my name.

"Johnny! Johnny!" someone called while, very gently shaking my arm to try to arouse me.

"He won't respond to anything, not even pain," a nurse commented.

" We need to check for head trauma, internal bleeding, and broken bones," the doctor replied hurriedly. " Get him prepared for a CAT scan."

At that, if my eyes were open they would have popped. I was scared now. Something was definitely wrong with me. I wanted the gang with me. I wondered suddenly if I would ever see them again. I tried to shake that thought out of my head as soon as it came but I couldn't. I had to face reality now. It was the only thing I could do.

TO BE CONTINUED… JOHNNY LOVERS PLEASE DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I LOVE JOHNNYCAKE THE MOST OUT OF ALL THE GREASERS!


	5. Chapter 5

Pony's POV: "Come on Dal, they aren't going to give us any answers tonight so we might as well go home." I said.

Dally hesitated. I could tell he really didn't want to abandon Johnnycakes here at the hospital. I guess we both felt a little guilty even though it wasn't really our faults.

"Alright," Dally finally agreed.

We left without Dal putting up much of a fight. He did turn around and give a doctor the finger though.

"Don't worry Dal, he'll be alright," I said reassuringly.

"No use being optimistic Ponyboy," Dally said miserably, " I have seen all types of things… people hurt, people killed, people dying, people actually getting through and making it…" He paused here and made a sort of whimpering sound " I think I know what is going to happen now."

I quickly thought what he said through and said, " Okay Dally I don't want to hear anymore."

" You cant just go around and not face the truth about this," Dally said matter of fact.

"Dally, I said I don't want to hear anymore. Please stop!" I sternly replied.

Dally got the message and shut up. We were both quiet for the rest of the drive home. I was thinking about what it would be like without Johnny with us anymore in the gang… sensitive, shy, vulnerable, timid, little Johnny. A person who would never hurt anything intentionally in his life. A person who never took life for granted. He took what he was given no matter how much it hurt. He was definitely one of a kind. Most of us greasers aren't like that. I could feel hot tears coming to my eyes. I wiped them off and hurriedly tried to shake all those thoughts out of my head. I honestly didn't want to think about losing my best friend. Dally seemed to be thinking too because he wasn't talking and he had a quizzical expression on his face.

I finally spoke up, "Dally?"

"Yeah?" he somewhat muttered. He was definitely deep in his thoughts.

I was about to say something but then detested it. It would just make him angry if I asked. I quietly sat back in my seat. Dally flashed me a quick glance then put his eyes back on the road. I started thinking about Johnny again. How he was so angry when he screamed at me and Dally and how we found him getting beaten to death by those socs. I guess you don't really think a lot about things unless you are liable to lose them. My eyes started to well up again and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. They just started coming and wouldn't stop. Greasers never cry and when I thought about that it just made the tears come more. I held back the sniffles so Dally wouldn't be able to tell that I was crying unless he looked at me.

We pulled up to the house. It was late, around midnight. With tear stained cheeks and red eyes I opened the gate and walked inside. Dal was still in the car. I half expected to see Johnny there, but was quietly greeted by only Soda, Darry, Two-Bit, and Steve. Soda seemed to sense that I was hurting. He came over and put his arm around me, talking to me in a real soft soothing voice like he was talking to a spooked horse. He probably picked up that trait from hanging around Mickey Mouse, his old horse, so much when he was a little younger. I was amazed at Sodapop's compassion at that moment. He was gently rubbing my back and telling me everything was alright...of course I didn't believe him. I really wasn't in the mood to discuss anything so I didn't say much. Soda didn't seem to mind. He wasn't really coaxing me to say anything anyway and I was glad. I guess Steve, Two-Bit, and Darry got the hint because they all went into the kitchen. I could hear them talking about things though.

"Soda can a please go to bed now?" I asked after about five more minutes of his brotherly love and concern.

"Sure," he said softly. "Hey, where did Dally ever go?"

"He was in the car still when I got out. Why don't you go check there," I said tiredly.

"Alright I think I will. You just go and get some rest. Don't worry about anything until tomorrow when we know more," Soda said with finality.

He didn't have to tell me twice. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep. Little did I know that when I woke up things would go from bad to worse.

Soda's POV: I walked outside to where Pony said Dally would be. Sure enough he was sitting in the car. I went over and knocked on the window. He rolled it down slowly.

"Hey Dal why don't you come inside?" I asked patiently.

"Huh? Oh, hi Soda." Dally replied. "Yeah I think I will come in."

Dally kind of seemed off. He had a mystified look on his face and his eyes seemed foggy. He was looking around like he was confused on where to go and what to do. I walked and Dal followed me into the house stumbling a bit.

"Have you been drinking?" I asked curiously.

Dally made a really weird face like he was trying to act goofy and he succeeded.

"Yeah...so! Stupid!," Dal said while laughing slightly.

Alright...so Dally is drunk and he just called me stupid! How was he able to go out and get drinks? I went back outside for a second and looked in the car. Whiskey, beer, and tequila bottles all over the backseat. What was he thinking? I went back inside and saw Dally in the fridge. He was searching for more alcohol no doubt. Darry was most likely in bed and I guess Two-Bit and Steve slipped out the back or something.

"Dally, what are you doing? Why are you drinking so much?" I demanded.

"I feel better when I drink. I don't think about Johnny and the pain sort of just goes away," Dally replied slurring his speech.

Now I understood. The reason he was drinking so much was because of Johnny. He couldn't take the pain of maybe losing him and he couldn't stand it any longer. He thought he could just drink his pain away.

I yanked a beer away from him that he was about to drink. I guess he wasn't expecting that. He started cussing me out good.

"Dally, this isn't going to solve your problems or get Johnny better!" I said in a very stern voice so he wouldn't miss a word.

"I know that it won't get Johnny better but it helps me cope," it took Dal a while to get those words out. They were being messed and slurred around so bad. I could tell he was probably the most drunk I had ever seen him and he got that way in such a short period of time. He stumbled as he tried to walk to the couch. I assisted and he landed on it with a thud. He wasn't really going to bed, he was more lying there making all sorts of noises.

An hour later I was fed up. "Come on Dally go to sleep," I begged.

Dally looked at me with a look of confusion. "Who are you again?" he questioned me for about the tenth time in the last hour.

I rolled my eyes and said very slowly, "I am Soda and you are Dally. You need to go to sleep now."

I didn't know what to do. I really wanted to go and see if Pony was alright and go to sleep in there, but I didn't want to leave Dally in here especially when he was awake. He could get more alcohol easily and he would be even worse. I was thinking about this and the next thing I knew I looked over and Dally was asleep. Thank god! I got up slowly and quietly and went into the bedroom. It only took a second for me to fall asleep and all my troubles left...until the early morning.

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

(The last part where Dally gets drunk kind of goes along the lines of the song Whiskey Lulluby by Brad Paisley) 


End file.
